I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
