You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
