hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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