Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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