I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
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She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
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We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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