dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
