Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
