I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
