The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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