she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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