I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have feelings that need drinking.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
