the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
