I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
