If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
