So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
