she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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