I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
