Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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