take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
