I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
