im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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