RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
