I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
