Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
