My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
