Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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