He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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