dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
