How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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