The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
