apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
