She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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