not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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