There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
