Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
