2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
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