8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
