Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
