Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
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seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
