why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
