the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize