i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
