I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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