ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
