WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
ttyl tear gas
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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