sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
