so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
