I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
