I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
