Heybabeimwearingurpanties
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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