found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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