you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
