Kiss
Puke
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think people are normalizing furries
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
