why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Never underestimate the power of titties
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
