i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it hurts more in the daytime
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
