I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
