I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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