About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
