Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
