Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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