Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
