Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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