Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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