Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
