3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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