Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
