Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
