I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
