He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
that is very illegal...i love you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
