She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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