I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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