im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
